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How do you get revenge on Virgo?

Renown as the Health Guru of the Zodiac, Virgo is the sign most likely to use a computer database to track their daily intake of vitamins and minerals. This is why, according to astrologer Stella Hyde, the best way to drive a Virgo to the verge of a nervous breakdown is to simply have Big Macs delivered to their house on the hour, every hour for a day. (Source) “Oh for the love of all that is good and holy, nooooo!!!” my own Mars in Virgo cries out upon envisioning such a scenario.

Given Virgo’s aversion to fast food maybe it’s no coincidence that muckraking journalist Eric Schlosser, author of Fast Food Nation, has a Mars/Venus/Pluto conjunction in Virgo. (Chart)

Along with being the most health conscious sign of the zodiac, Virgo also excels at journalism due to its eye for detail, accuracy, and near fetishtic love of footnotes. In medical astrology Virgo rules the intestines which separate what stays with the body for nutritive purposes from what must be discarded as waste. It’s thus rather fitting that one of the most detailed books on the horrors of industrial food production was written by a man with a stellium in Virgo. This is, after all, the sign most accustomed to dealing with pathogen loaded waste, be it the type that our bodily processes produce or the sort that fortune 500 companies stock the store shelves with.

When not giving out extremely detailed vitamin recommendations, Virgo can be found serving others in a quiet but technically proficient fashion. Anybody who makes their living cleaning up other people’s messes usually has an emphasis in this service oriented sign. That nerdy (yet strangely hot) guy or gal in the IT department who shows up after hours to fix your computer because you failed to download the appropriate virus protection software? Probably a Virgo. Same for many members of the janitorial crew who anonymously clean your work place up at night.

The dark side of this tendency to serve in silence is that Virgo can fall into humiliating social roles or soul-crushing daily routines. In these situations Virgo is neither compensated or appreciated in a manner congruent to the service they provide. Even though he likely has no interest in astrology, Schlosser clearly understands the less pleasant side of the Virgo archetype. He first came to national prominence for a series of articles on Big Ag’s exploitation of farm workers and meat packers, two populations of service workers (Virgo) that are horrifically under-appreciated in our society:

A guaranteed way to get revenge on a Virgo is to mess with their filing system(s). Of course if their filing system is being used to write a book as important as Fast Food Nation maybe you should find another way to get back at your Virgo. As Mrs. Hyde explains in her book Dark Side Zodiac, diluting your Virgo’s supply of Clorox or leaving shrimp in their drapes will also do the trick. It may drive them temporarily batso but it will do so while not impeding on their crucial yet so often under-appreciated Virgoan life’s work.

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Copyright Matthew David Savinar, 2012

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